Life makes sense now :)

Today was just an "udderly" amazing day! Hahaha! I don't know why, but today has just been awesome like a possum!

I went to church this morning... Pastor Warren talked about IDOP (International Day of Prayer) for the persecuted christians in third world countries... and it's just been interesting how God has been teaching me about persecution, suffering, and pain in the third world... at least that has been the theme He has been teaching me in the last few days... I mean of course it's nothing to be "happy" about, but God's just been helping me to understand the reality of what's going on around the world, and how I can face my previous trials today.

I noticed this persecution theme a few days ago when my room-mates, a couple friends, and myself were watching this show called 'The constant gardener'... it was about people in Africa being killed by drug wars and HIV and a corrupt government... I'm sure it had more to it, but I was kind of between the movie and making burned cd's... anyway, right after that our friend Erin showed us her presentation of Kenya, Africa... and the orphanage she worked at and the things going on there... she told us stories about the children and government... and then all of a sudden, it just dawned on me how REAL it was, and that THAT was actually going on in the world today... people dying because of hunger and mal-nutrition, children being mistreated, the horrible greed of people in power, and everything! I don't know why it didn't hit me before, but now that my eyes have been OPENED to this reality, it's unbelievable! I can't even fathom the things these people in the third world countries face every day... it's SO stinking REAL. But you know what's amazing? The AMAZING thing IS... is the fact that these poor orphan children who have been mistreated by their parents (either burned and/or burried alive by their parents, because these children had disabilities and/or defects... who were abandoned and thrown in dumpsters when they were babies, and the like)... the amazing thing is that THESE children who have faced these situations... they can still smile and be joyful every single day! They don't even have bitterness towards their parents for what they did... it's unbelievable. I can't even imagine... could you? WOW! It's crazy.

I just have to say that... honestly... my heart goes out to these people in Africa. I want to help these people... I want to be there... and it's so hard for me to say that I would give up everything and anything to be there and help these people, because do I really? That's a hard question for me. If someone were to ask me this question, "would you give up absolutely everything you have and own, sell them and move to Africa (or wherever) and live amoungst the poor in order to help them?" To answer this question... I honestly don't know. My heart cries out "YES!" but another part of me is unsure... why is that? Well... does that mean I'm selfish? Well no, not entirely... you see THAT'S the thing God calls us to do in our lives as Christians, is to give up absolutely EVERYTHING, pick up our cross and follow Him. But is that what we are doing? The answer is NO. The world nowadays has become so incredibly materialistic that GREED plays into everything... E V E R Y T H I N G. It's... it's... it's discouraging. But I'm not speaking on behalf of every christian in the world, because I know many HAVE given up everything in order to follow God's calling for them, and have ministered in other countries as missionaries, and who have died because of what they believe in... and that is Jesus Christ, God's one and only son. Christians ALL around the world are dying every day because of their faith in Jesus... they are being persecuted, thrown in jail, tortured, killed, murdered... BUT it's not for nothing... it's for God, and that's a blessing in itself, and that's amazing. So to answer that question above... if God called me to give up absolutely EVERYTHING I had, sell them and move to a foreign country and minister to the poor... then YES I would! Because if it's God's will for my life, and because I want to follow his will for my life, then I will go.

But it's unbelievable to think that I would think twice about NOT going to help the poor... if my heart melts and cries out for these people, just as God does for them... they why should I second guess myself?! WHY? I don't know... but I'm glad I didn't stick with those thoughts, because I honestly WOULD GO if God called me to go... and you know what's amazing, is that it's all in God's timing... I KNOW He will prepare me before I go and make sure I'm stable in my walk with him... and I think when God knows when I'm ready, I will be ready... even if I may not feel it, but God KNOWS... and honestly, that's all that matters!

And so today in church, we talked about christians being persecuted for their faith and especially those who are thrown in prison for it... we prayed for them in church, in small groups... it was quite amazing I tell ya. And you know what's the neat thing, is that after the sermon today and thinking about ALL that God has been teaching me in the past couple days about persecution and hunger and faith and trust... my perspective on life changed, hahha, without me knowing it... until now that is! But God showed me that to have 100% trust in Him, He will provide for my needs, protect me, and that HE has everything under control. I don't have to worry anymore... because it seemed that for the past few weeks, people have been hard-pressing me on for jobs and money and what not, but God has been giving me this amazing PEACE and feeling of contentment about my life right now... I'm not worrying anymore about "having" to get a job, putting food on the table for myself, and everything that falls into how I'm supposed to live a city life... God has been continuing to reassure me that HE IS providing, and that I should have total TRUST in him, and you know what, I AM!!! And I feel amazing! I feel at peace... I mean there's still some feelings of uncertainty, but overall, I'm good nonetheless... and God has been making me more assure of it lately... it's quite amazing!

It's weird, hahaha!!! Taking about persecution, feeling sad about it, and then feeling peaceful about everything... AHHHHH!!! I don't know how to explain it to you people! It's so hard to put it into actual words about how I feel and about how God is teaching it to me... *Sigh* It's just dang crazy! It's crazy amazing! And my thoughts are just zooming around in my head, so it's hard to put it into clear sentences and what not... maybe I'll have a more deeper understanding of what God is teaching me through the theme persecution, and how that is related to my life later on down the road, BUT for now, that's as clear as I can put it, haha!

All I know right now is that because of what God has been teaching me, I'm OKAY in where I am with my life right now... there's no worries, no doubt... I'm just learning to lean on God, obeying Him and trusting that everything will work out according to His plan. There is NO room for stress, depression, burdens, etc... we just need to give it to God, and that's what I have been doing in the past couple months... I've been giving everything to God, asking him to guide me, and asking him to align my will to His will for my life, and for my footsteps to fall in His footsteps... and to just feel PEACE about everything, knowing and believing that GOD is the provider... and for me to feel content with what I have or don't have... I don't know how else to say it, but that's how I understand it right now.

*sigh*

I feel good.

God is good.

Sooooooooooo yeah, hahaha... I guess the picture above "skip, skip, skip to my moo!" describes how I feel right now, hahaha... pretty much! Hahahahahahaha! YEahhhh! And it's all thanks to God!!! Hahahahahahah! It's awesome! Everything is starting to make sense... finally! Hahah!